Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Inner View

I've been unemployed for what, 3 months now?  I still have dreams that I'm working at my old job -- like somehow I just forgot that I quit and I show up at work and everyone shrugs their shoulders and I find a computer and I start working. Of course in all things dreamy, and nothing makes sense and my "job" consists of smoothing used coffee filters onto a bulletin board or something. I wake up confused trying to convince myself that no, I really don't have a job anymore. 

I've been continuously employed for more than half my life, I started my first 'real job' at age 14 -- RAKS Building Supply, I'm looking at you.  And it's weird for me not to work, I almost wish there was a time clock in my kitchen so I could log my mommy hours and make sure that the government was pulling out their fair share of taxes from my non-existent wages.  I'd stuff the paystub of zeros into a junk drawer and forget about it, but it would be soothing just to know I existed. 

That said, I just applied for a part-time-work-from-home-writerish kinda gig (I know how that sounds, but trust me the company is legit) -- and I have an interview on Monday! I'm excited but it's been YEARS since I've had a job interview so I'm trying to psych myself up for a good interview. 

That said, I'd interviewed so many applicants at my previous jobs (both office and retail) that I almost lost faith in humanity and I feel like I have a good grasp at least on how NOT to blow an interview.  Here are some of the more interesting tidbits from interviews past:

ME: Can you describe the outfit you are wearing to me as if you were selling it to a customer? 

CANDIDATE: Well, uh, I'm wearing a red shirt. Because, I uh, like colors?

ME: Can you tell me about the most difficult situation you've ever had with a co-worker and how you handled it?

CANDIDATE: This one girl at my old job kept mad-dogging me and I went up to her and told her to knock it off because I don't take shit from nobody. 

ME: What is your biggest strength? 

CANDIDATE: I get along really well with minorities.

ME: What kinds of decisions are the hardest for you to make?

CANDIDATE: Can I come back to that one?  LATER:  The hardest decision for me to make is what to wear every day. 

And I could go on, and on. These aren't even the worst -- the worst are the people who cannot answer a question if their life depended on it.   Just minute after minute of awkward silence trying to coach them into saying ANYTHING and when they do its a one or two word answer. At this point I would usually dismiss them or start awkwardly rambling into my own life story because I felt obligated to hold interviews for at least 20 minutes.    I don't understand why people are so bad at interviewing, some people say that it's a "skill" but I feel like it doesn't take a lot of skill to not sound like a total idiot. Do you want the job or not? If  you do then act like it. It's so frustrating that people seem to think they deserve a job simply because they managed to show up to an interview.   No wonder our country has such a sky high unemployment rate -- would you hire any of the  above? 

Anyway, if my competition looks anything like the above, I've got this one in the bag.  Wish me luck! 


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