FIFTEEN: Shane Evan Tomlinson

SHANE EVAN TOMLINSON

Voice

Shane Evan Tomlinson, age 33, was among the 49 victims who lost their lives in the bloodshed that took place at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida on June 13. A gifted vocalist, the smooth crooner had a devoted fanbase as the frontman of the band Frequency. With Shane at the helm, the group was popular in Orlando for their high-octane take on hits from the 70's and 80's which could get any crowd going - from wedding parties to nightclub partiers. Shane was celebrating what would become his final earthly performance when he took his place in the heavenly choir. 

When I think about some of the greatest nights of my life, someone like Shane has always undoubtedly been behind them. Wedding DJs, folk singers, orchestra conductors and rock stars have been responsible for giving me some of the most transformative moments of my existence through music. These individuals have something beyond technical ability, a rare talent for creating unity by tapping into that frequency that runs through us all.

Admittedly, I am not a musician, my stubby fingers are far more attuned to plunking QWERTY than CDEFGABC, but I've been tentatively calling myself an artist, a writer, these days.  I've always known that I have a talent for words but I'd felt that talent was better used on the words of others. For all these years I've only called myself an editor. The distinction is likely minor to most, but to me, a person overcoming chronically low self esteem, it is everything. To allow myself to deem my own voice worthy of my own gifts means I've reached an unprecedented point of growth.

Kicker is, my voice has always been valid, I was just letting a lot of stupid things keep me unheard. All you people like me, who maybe felt like they've had to keep quiet your whole lives, you are valid, you deserve to be heard and your contribution is needed. Others can disagree, but disagreement does not beget silence. 

Today, in honor of Shane, I commit to use my voice to spread joy, peace, and comfort. It's time to speak up. It's time we all commit to use our voices for good. We have to let the world know it can't keep going on this way.

More Info:

Frequency Band

FOURTEEN: Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo

Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo

Community

Omar, just 20 years old, saw his hopes of becoming an actor and dancer come to a halt in the mass shooting at Pulse nightclub on June 12.  It was barely a year ago that Omar walked across the stage during his graduation from La Vergne High School in his native Tennessee before heading to Orlando to pursue his life-long dream.  Remembered for charisma and complete dedication to his craft, Omar was also proud to be openly gay. His dynamic personality made those around him feel inspired and empowered. To anyone who knew him, there was no doubt he was profoundly talented and going to be famous someday. Unfortunately, that fame came in the form of being slaughtered by an insane radical with an assault rifle. 

One of the particularly admirable traits of people like Omar is their ability to bring people together by treating them with respect and kindness. A look at Omar's fundraising page shows that the customers he served as a barista in a Starbucks in a Target in Orlando mourn the loss of his life alongside his high school classmates. Imagine that, one guy, in a chain coffee shop, in a chain megastore, in a giant city, made a distinct impact, he was able to create a community within a notably sterile corporate macro bubble.

As a final testament to Omar's life,  something incredible happened to his grandmother as she was flying alone to Orlando for his funeral. A flight attendant learned of her recent devastation and passed around a sheet of paper so that other passengers could offer their condolences. One sheet of paper turned into several, and by the time the plane touched down the flight attendant had collected a book of handwritten support for his grieving grandmother. On the way out, each passenger stopped and hugged Omar's grandmother, a uniquely personal gesture in our usually impatient existence.  In other words, a bunch of passengers on a cramped, budget airline, abandoned their usual crabbiness and cattle chute deplaning to console a stranger's heartache. Even in death, Omar brought an unlikely group of people together in one last community.

I tend to be a casual bystander in a lot of the communities I belong to. I'm there, but not present, and sometimes it feels like more of a geography thing than anything else. Today, in honor of Omar, I'm committing to become a more active participant in my communities.  If I join with others working for a common good then we are one pair of hands stronger. Many hands working together has the power to provide the support and strength to build a better world. We're all in this together.

More Information:

49 Days Project

http://nashvillepublicradio.org/post/outgoing-confident-and-openly-gay-remembering-la-vergne-grad-killed-orlando-attack#stream/0

http://www.murfreesboropost.com/luis-omar-ocasio-capo-remembered-cms-44588

THIRTEEN: Deonka Deidra Drayton

Deonka Deidra Drayton

Resilience 

Dee Dee, as she was lovingly called by her friends and family, died at the age of 32 in the mass shooting at Pulse nightclub where she worked as a bartender. Dee Dee was raised in Midlands South Carolina and her early life was not without its struggles. As a young child, she suffered a brain injury as the result of a car accident in which she was thrown from the car.  Throughout her teens and early adulthood she struggled with addiction and subsequently had several run-ins with the law. That had all recently changed though, and Dee Dee was in the midst of a personal renaissance. She had turned her life around, she was headed in the right direction before she was so abruptly and permanently removed from her path.

Dee Dee fits the profile of the kind of person our society so readily gives up on: an addict with a rap sheet. There are those who would believe that such attributes automatically make her ineligible for to the sanctity of life, that Dee Dee was a valueless thug. However, despite everything she was up against, Dee Dee just kept going. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, she was living proof that through love and support no one is beyond rehabilitation. Her absence from our world further illuminates the value of her singular existence. 

Today, in honor of Dee Dee I'm motivating myself to keep moving, whatever my setbacks may be. So often I'm tempted to give up on  - or not even try - things that may seem too hard, telling myself that nobody really cares anyway, that I don't make a difference. Looking at a story like Dee Dee's it's so apparent I am privileged to have only myself as an obstacle. 

I hope others will join me in never, ever, stopping trying to be a better person. With persistence, we will find peace.

More Information:

49 Days Project

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/pulse-orlando-nightclub-shooting/victims/os-orlando-mass-shooting-victim-deonka-deidra-drayton-20160613-story.html

TWELVE: Mercedez Marisol Flores

Mercedez Marisol Flores

Contemplation

Marisol, as she was known to her family, held a special place in their hearts as not only the baby of her family, but the only girl as well. She was gunned down in the Pulse nightclub shooting alongside her best friend, Amanda Alvear, on June 12, 2016. Known to be profoundly kind, studious and a bit soft-spoken, Marisol lived up to her namesake, Maria de la Soledad, a testimonial the Virgin Mary quietly contemplating the loss of  her son. Marisol grew up in Queens, NY, but moved to Orlando to study Literature at Valencia College where she had a reputation for being profoundly insightful and endlessly friendly.

One of the first ways we tend to deal with tragedy is to relate some part of it to ourselves, if only to grasp the scope of such a thing. In the tsunami of news reports that came in the after-shock of the Orlando Massacre, I immediately saw not only myself, but perhaps my own children in Marisol. It shook me to the core to see my own virtues snuffed out in another person like they meant nothing. I've been meditating on the value of individual life ever since.    

Today, in honor of Marisol, I'm focusing inward, contemplating my own values, morals and privilege and I encourage my friends to do the same. Take a moment, shut up, and just THINK. That's all. Contemplate, give in to what your mind think needs the most attention, map it out, go on a journey, prepare to end up at an unanticipated destination. The only way to figure our way out of this bigotry-filled-ALL-CAPS-chaos-bubble that has encompassed our society is to give it the thought it deserves. 

We are smart enough to get ourselves out of this mess.

More information:

49 Days Project

https://www.gofundme.com/2976a9ky

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/pulse-orlando-nightclub-shooting/victims/os-orlando-mass-shooting-mercedez-marisol-flores-20160613-story.html

ELEVEN: Amanda Alvear

Amanda Alvear

Meaningfulness

Amanda Alvear, barely 25 years-old, saw her life cut drastically short in the Pulse nightclub shooting on June 12, 2016. Amanda had recently gained a new lease on life, shedding an incredible 180 pounds through surgery and an intense commitment to fitness. The transformation not only reshaped Amanda's body but her outlook on life. She was in the midst of celebrating the freedom of her twenties, the uninhibited joy of dancing all night in the club with her best friend, feeling safe and accepted for the first time in her life. Amanda had an infectious personality and a keen sense of fashion. She was incredibly close to her family and cared greatly for her young nieces, of whom she loved to spoil with shopping trips for the latest fashions.


Amanda, in so many ways, embodied the modern idea of the "Millennial," a young person, just a kid. Plugged in, just like all her friends, Amanda happened to catch the moment gunfire erupted in the club via SnapChat. What was supposed to be an instantly deleted blip of chatter became Amanda's final recorded moment. Our mortality becomes so much more apparent when we realize we can die at literally any time. The constant possibility that we might be dismissing some moment as trivial before we can realize it is profound is the stuff of existential crisis. Does anyone really have any control?


The only solution, pardon the cliche, is to live each moment as your last. Give the best of yourself to each moment so that when it passes you will know that you couldn't have done it any better.


The only consolation in Amanda's death comes from knowing that she died at peak happiness, her last moment one of unfiltered exuberance, at the successful conclusion of an unexpectedly last battle.


Today, in honor of Amanda, I'm committing to trying to make each moment matter. It's so easy to lose motivation and slip into cycle of learned uselessness, the best way for me to stay out of it is to know for a fact that I don't want to die there. We are all meaningful, our moments are meaningful, we just need to make sure we're living to full potential.


More Information:


49 Days Project


http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/pulse-orlando-nightclub-shooting/victims/os-orlando-nightclub-shooting-victim-amanda-alvear-20160613-story.html

TEN: Antonio Davon Brown

Antonio Davon Brown

Liberty

Capt. Antonio Davon Brown, a soldier in the U.S. Army, survived two tours in Kuwait before he was gunned down in the surprise attack on American soil on June 12, 2016. Described as a "gentle soul," the decorated veteran was known for his loyalty to his friends, family, and country.  Barely 29 years-old, he held a bright future working in the HR departments of the U.S. Army reserves and Lowes. For him it wasn't just a job - he took the "human" part of "human resources" to heart and was dedicated to truly enhancing the well-being of those he worked with. He will be remembered for his kind spirit and wonderful sense of humor.

It's interesting my last post focused on "celebrity," because when a celebrity dies, the event garners an astonishingly high amount of media attention, everyone is suddenly caught up in the intrinsic value of that particular human life, they certainly don't need me memorializing them on my dinky little blog. It's immensely sad then, every single day soldiers die brutal, horrible deaths defending our liberties and nobody blinks an eye. It's insane that people are willing to line up around the block to honor some star they never met but soldiers who protected their freedom of assembly are laid to rest without a single mourner present. I didn't plan this juxtaposition, but it sure seems to hone in on my point: we cannot forget the specific value each of these lives held before they dissipated forever. 

My bleeding heart constantly struggles with such notions. The price so many soldiers have payed for our liberties is incomprehensible, their lives are just important as mine, and yet I would not have mine if they hadn't gave theirs. 

I can't make sense of any of it, but I do know that we should not take it for granted. We are all so, so fortunate. 

Today, in honor of Capt. Brown, and the birth of our fine nation, I encourage everyone to embrace the liberties so given to us by immense sacrifice. Let's put aside our political differences, take a look around and say "hey, this is all actually pretty good," and know that it came at an ultimate price. 

NINE: Luis S. Vielma

Luis S. Vielma

Celebrity

Luis, a "bright young wizard," as described by those who worked with him at Universal Orlando's Wizarding World of Harry Potter theme park, died in the largest hate crime against the LGBT community in U.S. history. A student of Hogwarts, the Sorting Hat rightfully placed Luis into Gryffindor, "where dwell the brave at heart, their daring, nerve and chivalry set Gryffindors apart." There, he served as a language interpreter and guide for incoming students. A bright, motivated individual, Luis was also pursuing a Muggle degree at Seminole State College where he was studying the magic of saving others through emergency medicine. 

In the immediate wake of the tragedy, social media began circulating a tweet by J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series, reacting to the massacre. She laments Luis's death with the shock and sadness as if he was one of her own, "he was 22 years old," she wrote, "I can't stop crying." Rowling's visibility undoubtedly brought scope to immense loss of individual life as she, and her fans, could connect in a tangible way to Luis. He was here. He was like us. He is gone.  

I've always had a sort of love/hate relationship with the notion of celebrities. I am unabashedly fascinated by watching the their craft and fame intermingle, whether it be acting, sports, writing, or even uh, Kardashianing? That said, I find it problematic when people don't seek guidance beyond their celebrity role-models because so many celebrities are under-qualified for the job, some just barely existing on cocaine and product endorsement smoothies. 

I don't think there is a way to stop people from listening to celebrities and that scares because it grants them such immense power. The consolation prize is celebrities can use their power to promote peace and goodness. Like J.K. Rowling, who transcends the term "celebrity," and is most definitely the Mother Theresa of our generation. Or these guys, 49 famous people using their voices to stand up to the never-ending violence and hatred in our society, only out of the ordinary when our favorite author beams it out from her smartphone.

Today, in honor Luis, I'm embracing my own celebrity, albeit the comparatively minuscule power of influence I have in my children's young minds. I commit to being the best person that I can so my children have a strong role-model to look to. I'm by no means perfect, but I can at least try to teach them the virtues extinguished in the victims of this incomprehensible crime. If we teach our children well, maybe their generation wont have to work so hard for peace because they will already have it.

More Information:

49 Days Project

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nq6xRZlCSoM&feature=youtu.be

http://celebmix.com/tribute-brave-young-gryffindor-luis-vielma/

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/pulse-orlando-nightclub-shooting/victims/orlando-nightclub-shooting-luis-vielma-20160612-story.html

EIGHT: Cory James Connell

Cory James Connell

Alliance

Cory James Connell was celebrating his 21st birthday with his girlfriend at the Pulse nightclub when his life was extinguished in a spray of bullets. A star athlete, Cory was chasing his lifelong dream of helping others as a firefighter. His final act on this earth was protecting his girlfriend, Paula from the gunman - she was gravely injured but her life was preserved by Cory's act of bravery.  Known for his charisma and welcoming smile, Cory was was a friend to all who knew him. The impact he had on his community was so immense that the City of Orlando posthumously made him an honorary firefighter and the Orlando Gay Chorus sang for his funeral. 

Cory, was, perhaps notably, straight and the fact that a popular football player such as himself had no problem hanging out at a gay club speaks volumes to how far our our society has come in terms of LGBT acceptance. Unfortunately we have not come far enough and violent acts fueled by homophobia continue to plague the community. Young people who come out to their families are still told "it's just a stage,"  transgendered individuals face scrutiny every time they need to pee, and closeted, angry individuals take out their rage on innocent people because they live in an environment where it impossible to embrace their own identity.

As a straight woman, I had my reservations about starting this project. Primarily, I was afraid of somehow co-opting the grief of the LGBT community. Then I realized, this isn't a "gay tragedy" - its a human one. Our entire population should be grieving the fact that 49 souls no longer walk this earth. That it hit a community so historically marked by adversity makes it all the more heart-wrenching.    

Today, in honor of Cory, I am celebrating alliance. To my friends in the LGBT community: I love you, I accept you, I am honored to stand by you. I encourage others to do the same - reach out and show your support and mean it. Only when we treat everyone with dignity will we be able to move forward in harmony.

More information:

The 49 Days Project

GoFundMe for Cory's family

GoFundMe for Paula

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/pulse-orlando-nightclub-shooting/victims/os-mass-shooting-victim-cory-james-connell-20160613-story.html 

SEVEN: Christopher Andrew Leinonen

 Christopher Andrew Leinonen

Activism

Christopher Andrew Leinonen, Drew, as he was known to his friends, died alongside his soulmate, Juan Ramon Guerrero in the act of terrorism that took place at the Pulse nightclub. Drew was a film buff and dedicated mental health counselor, brimming with charisma and sharp wit. He proudly referred to himself as a "gaysian," finding great dignity in his unique identity as both gay and Asian. When Drew was in high school he established the first gay-straight alliance at his school. This inspired a lifelong dedication to activism which undoubtedly had limitless potential before it was so grotesquely snuffed out in this senseless act of violence.

Drew is about my age, so that means we would have been in high school around the same time.  I think about who I was in high school, about the people who surrounded me and the rhetoric of the era. I think about how words like "gay" and "fag" were casually thrown around as insults. I think about Ricky Martin and Lance Bass who had to no choice but to remain tortuously closeted for the sake of our delicate sensibilities.  I think about all my peers who've come out since we shared those four years of lockered hell and about how immense their burden was when everyone already felt so isolated, so alone, so desperate to fit in, so scared to speak up.

I think about all of that and I know that there was no way that I could've had the strength or courage to do what Drew did when we were that age. We cannot forget how monumental his actions were. Less than 20 years later our perspective has changed because of activists like Drew.

Today, as our congressional representatives sit on the house floor, refusing to move until American gun laws are revisited, I'm focusing on igniting the activism within myself. I'm using my voice to build on the change that activists like Drew have facilitated. For those of you who, like me, have spent a lifetime trying not to step on toes, it's time to be brave, it's time to make some noise. Write to your senators, speak up against evil, it's time to get motivated to do everything we can to restore peace to this planet.

More Information:

The 49 Days Project

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/projects/cp/us/orlando-shooting-victims/christopher-andrew-leinonen

http://www.centralfloridafuture.com/story/news/2016/06/20/pulse-shooting-victim-christopher-andrew-leinonen-32/86162524/

FIVE: Frank Hernandez

Frank Hernandez

Pride

Frank Hernandez, Franky, was only 27 years old when he lost his life in Sunday's terrorist attack. A fan of Beyonce and fashion, the Calvin Klein store manager proudly bore a "Love knows no gender" tattoo on the underside of his arm - one of the most sensitive and painful spots to be inked. He was known as a funny, lively and endlessly compassionate young man. He'd just celebrated his third anniversary with his boyfriend and the pair were ripped apart forever after that terrible night out at the Pulse. His family is now struggling to find the funds to bring him back to Texas for his final resting place.

It's unshakably chilling that this massacre took place during the culmination of Pride Week. I've seen it described the same as "a church shooting during Christmas" for the LGBT community.  Today, in honor of Franky and all the victims,  I'm focusing on being proud of myself for my own accomplishments. I am proud that I have gotten to day five of this project even though the emotional toll of facing each individual loss of life is nearly debilitating. I'm proud that I'm using my voice to keep speaking out about this horrific tragedy with the popular news media trying to force me to move on. I'm proud to live in a country where marriage is defined by love and not genitals. I'm proud that no matter who my kids love, their mama will always love them more. 

Be a good person, and be proud of that, we have so much potential for peace.

More information:

The 49 Days Project

http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/13/us/orlando-victims-profiles/index.html

https://www.romper.com/p/who-is-frank-hernandez-the-calvin-klein-employee-was-loved-by-many-12625

https://www.gofundme.com/frankescalante

FOUR: Joel Rayon Paniagua

Joel Rayon Paniagua

Opportunity

Joel was only a teenager when he immigrated to Florida from Veracruz, Mexico seeking a better life for himself and his family. He worked tirelessly within the construction industry, giving every last bit of himself so he could send money home to his family. Joel's cousin explained why so many people like Joel choose such a hard life in the United States: "in our country there was a lot of crime, violence and death ... and we expect it should be more peaceful here." Joel's opportunity for a better life vanished in the wake of our nation's largest mass shooting in history.


In honor of Joel, today I'm embracing the opportunities within my life, many of which have just been given to me by accident of birthplace. We have so much potential to make this world a better place if we work hard and chase our passions. Embrace every opportunity because life is short and unpredictable and you might not get another chance.

The 49 Days Project

http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/13/us/orlando-victims-profiles/index.html

http://napavalleyregister.com/joel-rayon-paniagua/article_6a5b43e1-fe3c-59e1-86db-0b1c0635d997.html

THREE: Brenda Lee Marquez McCool

Brenda Lee Marquez McCool

Strength

Brenda leaves behind 11 children, one of whom, her son Isaiah, was with her the night she died. Ever supportive of her gay son, Brenda was visiting Isaiah in Orlando and the two had gone out dancing at Pulse. When the chaos erupted, Brenda stood between the gunman and her son, saving Isiah's life, herself succumbing to a fatal gunshot wound. Brenda's other heroic efforts include standing as an outspoken advocate for the LGBT community and surviving cancer - twice.

In Brenda's short time on her she pushed the bounds of what most believe possible. In honor of Brenda, today I'm focusing on my own strengths and how to use them to best help others. Our population is stronger than any evil the hate machine puts out there. United by peace, we can grow even stronger.



More information:

The 49 Days Project

http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/13/us/orlando-victims-profiles/index.html

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/brooklyn-native-mother-11-died-orlando-nightclub-attack-article-1.2672514

TWO: Akyra Monet Murray

Akyra Monet Murray

Vitality

Barely 18 years old, Akyra had just graduated from her Philadelphia high school with honors. In fact, she was in Orlando with her family celebrating the occasion when she'd gone to Pulse with her brother as part of the festivities. Akrya was an outstanding athlete, she received a full-ride scholarship to play basketball at Mercyhurst College. Her undeniably bright future was cut short moments after she called her mom begging to be picked up from the nightclub because there was a shooter on the lose.

In honor of Akyra, today I'm focusing on my own vitality and I encourage others to do the same. Akyra was robbed of her vitality in a horrific act of terrorism but we still have ours. Embrace it. Celebrate it. DO NOT TAKE IT FOR GRANTED. 

Spread the love, guys, we're strong enough to do this.

More information:

The 49 Days Project

http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/13/us/orlando-victims-profiles/index.html

http://wsvn.com/news/philadelphia-teen-killed-in-nightclub-attack-called-her-mom/   

The Next 49 Days

Yesterday, I watched in horror as the news reported the deadliest shooting in U.S. history at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. 49 innocent people in the midst of a joyous celebration of their culture were shot to death at the hands of an insane radical with an automatic weapon.

In the midst of these reports, media focus was largely on the attacker, his history and his motivations. Through these reports he got exactly what he wanted - infamy from his volatile brand of hate.

I refuse to make this monster a celebrity. I don't want to know everything some journalist can dig up about him. I don't want to see his MySpace profile picture every time I look at a screen. He lost his right to humanity when he systematically stole it from 49 people.

I've spent the last 24 hours on the cusp of being consumed by rage. I have no words to describe the devastation I've been watching unfold.

I refuse to let this monster get what he wants.

49 individual human lives, with unique hopes and dreams and histories have simply vanished. 49 mamas have to lay their babies down one last time. Infinite grief to the power of 49.

We cannot forget these 49 beautiful souls 

For the next 49 days I will dedicate a page of this blog to the memory of one of the victims of the massacre. I will do my best to highlight their greatest virtues and I will dedicate each day to living in honor of each specific memory. It's a big task but it's the only thing I can think of to move forward. Please, join me in the commitment to spreading the love and honoring these innocents.

Let's heal this country.

-Jamie